I just love this pic..

I think ma looks beautiful here...

My best friend.. i miss you!!

Somehow I find it extremely difficult to relate modernity with Grandparents, especially when it comes to their attire. You may call me backdated and old school type, but I cannot imagine my Grandmother wearing a a tight ass-ed jeans shorts with a tank top playing golf and drinking beer!!

I remember her...
She always wore very light colored sari's. She had lost her husband that is my grandfather long before i was born. Therefore according to tradition she wore a light colored sari, not pure white but a color that would make her look gorgeous. On busy days when she would be cooking in the kitchen her "achaal" would be stained with turmeric... She had this long hair which was partly black even till her last day, which she would tie into a tight bun. She used be my playmate all through the day and sometimes even late past mid-night.

She was my best friend, a person i could share everything with.. she would never scold me or scream at me. Her teachings too had a certain warmth in it that made me adhere to it. She was born and married before independence but had the streak of a modern independent lady. She raised two daughters and four grandchildren. Even then her open mindedness and adventurous spirit never failed to amaze me. To me she was a modern woman who knew the value of independence and tradition.
That is how i see grandparents..

I miss you didun...
I wish you were here...
:(

fly...

Imagine...

Diving into a pool of your poison atop mount Olympus...
To fly and dive at the same moment...
To feel the joy of pain and the pain of joy...
To measure the happiness running through every drop of your blood and being pumped through your mighty heart...
To be yet not to be...
To be lost and be found again in the purple haze....
To burn and fade away..
To be high and low...
To run on a lonely road in a crowded city...

IMAGINE...

how wonderful it might have been...

..

Smoking is like to be reborn again...
everytime a new perspective...
The numbness...the happiness and finally reality...
and again the sound of the match...

face it...

It is pretty interesting to note how one place or person can change you...

Adaptibility was something we had all read in junior school... the example varied from bears to snakes... but rarely was the example of a human used...

However I think it is us humans who change the most or rather adapt to a particular situation or just changes with the flow...

The paradoxical situations somehow stimulate the inner contradictions of our minds... however the outside or the physical situation often changes to external contradictions.. We try to live up to the expectations of the society we belong to.

College was always a big deal for me. My nerdish relatives wanted me to get into a good colg so that i have a "bright" future... whereas i wanted to get into a good one for various reasons..

Before college, I was an average girl who strived to do well in academics and tried to gather as many certificates as possible.. however hidden deep inside I was a frantic enchained creature trying to attain her freedom..

From a long time I loved to break rules..it gave me immense pleasure.. more so cause i belonged to a convent school where rules were religion!!

.. i started bunking school from class 9.. I smoked my first cig with a friend in class 10, bunking my maths exams cause i was not well prepared.. however as i said before, society and situations forced me to prevail my "goody two shoes" and "lady-like" attitude!!

Then came college and finally the breakthrough.. being educated in a strict all girls convent school, i had forgotten the existence of my self identity. I had been told to tie my hair and walk like a lady and wear skirts that ended at my ankle.. I realised i had an identity crisis, like the other many girls in our city and society do even today. She wore a tic tac clip so i have to do it, she opened her hair, so i gotto do it.. call it wannabe, call it desperate.. in an attempt to adapt we had sacrificed our self identity.

College liberated me... you may call me cliched.. but the truth is today i'm a changed person or rather a free person. People who have seen me in school and and see me now think i'm a wannabe and the many other peculiar lingo's invented by our desperate youth. However change has finally graced me. I retained my self identity, the ability to stand up and scream "You are wrong". The ability to think, to speak and to do.

Why the hell should i make a retard of myself to be a part of the so called privileged society..

I have finally adapted...adapted to my self.. to the real me...

I owe you this one JU!!

Thanks...

:)

To fly away...
To crash...
and fly away again...

At root level..

It was pouring that day... And i mean really pouring...
The rains came after a long period of sweltering heat so the relief was clear on the faces of people..I was out with friends...Friends i've known for quite a period of time...Unfortunately our meeting place was pretty far from my house and this was a regular problem..
I lived in the suburbs...so going back home was always the longer route!!:(
Anyway, It was pouring and the wind was gusty...people had taken refuge under the gigantic structure of the flyover that accentuated the urbanity of our city..
I on the other hand was carring an umbrella...this object however was a superficial element...
it gave u the satisfaction of protection from rain and heat...but in reality was just an abstract satisfaction to the mind!!
Although my umbrella was open (and flying!) i was drenched from head to toe!!

Standing alone in a place at 6:30pm which is generally crowded even at 11pm made the situation even odder and weird!! Not a single bus or taxi was in sight...
However, an auto (a three wheeler, considered a nuisance by the car owners of the city) was in sight...i ran to it to discover that fate had been kind enough to save me a seat in it!My journey started..It is interesting to note that when 4-5 strangers come together in a state of 'emergency' or 'calamity'...we just develop a bond...
We were all wet and happily petrified of the downpour...asking each other the time, discussing the condition of roads in the city and the dubious result of the forthcoming elections were all a part of our conversation...
For 20 mins it was as though people in that auto were familiar with each other for ages...
I don't know whether this happens else where or not...but this is one reason why Kolkata will always reamin close to my heart...The unity of roots and the familiar language...No matter what condition you are in...company is always available in this city...
:)

the last dodo..

How expensive are those three words??
Why do we fret when it comes to the most basic human emotion???
We forget that we are all human beings... we belong to the same species...but no, we would rather be jealous, smear the person's character and start bitching. We cannot love our fellow human beings just for being there.
There are times i thank god for giving so many peple in my life...thankful that i'm not the last dodo in the world. I sometimes wonder how the last dodo felt before it died. I would have been scared... really scared... that i don't see anybody like me.
We have been binded by the same creations we have created...
Frankenstein is not very far....
It's time to love without thinking...to love the short fat ugly dark and not care...coz he or she mite be the last person alive with u some day!!
Maybe if we try we'll realise that love is perhaps not that expensive after all!!:)

Ironical Happiness!:)

Have u ever dreamt of something that just broke??? and then suddenly one day it came true...there is surge of happiness that is indefinable!!
It a great feeling...to laugh again..to smle for no reason...to look forward to happiness and more!!
You feel like dancing...like singing...like winning the entire world!! nah...the universe!!
Life is such a satire...it's as though it loves to mock you and wait to give ur share of happiness!!
Everything changes...
For once i'm so thankful to life...
for everything...
it could'nt have been better!!
:)
it's irony...but finally just happiness!!

love is a bitch!!

Is it morally wrong to love or want love??? Why is it that a person has to inform the whole world or take the views of every other person before engaging themselves in a relationship.
we under estimate a lot of things and take for granted even a larger number of things. People assume to know you, talk about you and even say amazing things about your personal life...and then it's ur turn to be the bitch. it does'nt matter whether your unhappy or bruised at heart you have to show that ur very happy. you cannot be a sad!!!

Humnas have forever engaged themselves in the conversations related to others more than thier own selfs... it's weird..
my pont remains why is it so that one person cannot be happy without letting other people bitch about you???
funny but weird!!

The beginning...yet again!!

what is it about new year?? people dance.. make merry and have fun...it's the same old beginning again!!

i don't understand!!